No matter how Mark tries to cut it, the pieces don't seem to fit together for him. It's not that he can't see the level of devotion Eduardo pays him. Actually, maybe that's what makes it worse now, has made it worse ever since Mark's had his douchery outlined in full and lined in red, ever since he's had to speak for countless hours about all the things he's done that are supposedly subversive, cruel, unthoughtful, any of these things or possibly even all of them at once. The fact that he can see all the little signs that were supposed to call out to him, each one of them like the tiniest rise in water level that now leaves him drowning, leaves him feeling like there's no ground to stand on.
But those closer observations are why he doesn't understand. People need something that connects them and they need to stand on a roughly equal level to be able to look at each other at all without craning necks and leaving each other sore at the end of the day. So. That's where it all falls apart. Because as far as Mark's concerned, he's been sitting at the foot of an insurmountable pyramid, trying to strike out on his own, but the point is, the point is that he's never been even close to Wardo in terms of the foundation that friendship is built upon. He doesn't... doesn't know how to celebrate other people's victories, doesn't know how to console other people about their losses. All he is, all he really is, is someone who has innovative ideas based on what he's observed about people and the world they live in.
End story: He is a crappy friend.
And to be the best friend of someone who can pretty much attract everyone out there to him like bees to a flower? It just doesn't hold water. He can't even say that Eduardo's given him any reason to think it a lie, it's just a matter of fundamentals and how the human race works.
"I'm not devaluing," Mark replies again, plainly, without pause because yeah, he knows how much it means that Eduardo's put him with him for so long. Speaks loads of the man's patience. "I'm just trying to understand it. And none of it makes sense. But I'm not going to give up, I just—"
He waves his hand in the air, like he's trying to grasp onto that thought, before dropping his arm back down and shaking his head, vaguely starting off in the direction of the restaurant that they've detoured from a couple of times already. Tired enough after a long day of hearings, Mark honestly feels like he might drift right off to sleep in a couple of hours at most, adrenaline slowly coming down and leaving him twice as tired as before.
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Date: 2011-05-20 05:16 am (UTC)But those closer observations are why he doesn't understand. People need something that connects them and they need to stand on a roughly equal level to be able to look at each other at all without craning necks and leaving each other sore at the end of the day. So. That's where it all falls apart. Because as far as Mark's concerned, he's been sitting at the foot of an insurmountable pyramid, trying to strike out on his own, but the point is, the point is that he's never been even close to Wardo in terms of the foundation that friendship is built upon. He doesn't... doesn't know how to celebrate other people's victories, doesn't know how to console other people about their losses. All he is, all he really is, is someone who has innovative ideas based on what he's observed about people and the world they live in.
End story: He is a crappy friend.
And to be the best friend of someone who can pretty much attract everyone out there to him like bees to a flower? It just doesn't hold water. He can't even say that Eduardo's given him any reason to think it a lie, it's just a matter of fundamentals and how the human race works.
"I'm not devaluing," Mark replies again, plainly, without pause because yeah, he knows how much it means that Eduardo's put him with him for so long. Speaks loads of the man's patience. "I'm just trying to understand it. And none of it makes sense. But I'm not going to give up, I just—"
He waves his hand in the air, like he's trying to grasp onto that thought, before dropping his arm back down and shaking his head, vaguely starting off in the direction of the restaurant that they've detoured from a couple of times already. Tired enough after a long day of hearings, Mark honestly feels like he might drift right off to sleep in a couple of hours at most, adrenaline slowly coming down and leaving him twice as tired as before.