It's funny, how those sentences, one tripping over the other, make Mark feel lonely. He shouldn't. Isn't this the only thing that he's ever needed from Eduardo? Facebook is... it's his passion, it's the one accomplishment of his that he's still fiercely proud of, but he doesn't need Eduardo to see eye-to-eye on that. Certainly, Mark never has when it came to things like Eduardo getting punched by the Phoenix, like Eduardo's successful investment ventures in his first summer. They're things to admire, but pride? No, Mark's always been of the opinion that the only person who deserves to feel that, the only right to lay claim to the idea and its inception, is the entrepreneur. He's not sure if Eduardo understands entirely how he feels in this regard, or even doubts that the other man does— Eduardo never even realized just how deliberately Mark used those words, after the former had returned to New York.
We did it.
He still feels bad about that.
Right now, though, he's still gripped by a sense of isolation. If there's one thing that Mark has never been able to do, it's to simply look at any person, any relationship, merely at the surface level. In this moment, he finds himself at a crossroads that he's never known before, two different paths that he has walked, does walk, will continue to walk with Eduardo. It's already striking him as impossible, on that island, to look at Eduardo without remembering the one who left the deposition room, the one Mark strongly feels won't end up looking back. All of that was too much. Mark doesn't expect that the mere passage of a few days will get him back to a point where he'll want to go back to those lawyers, hash out the terms of agreement with Eduardo. Chances are, he's going to end up sending a proxy, maybe even ask Marylin if she's willing to take the reins. And that means all of this, it feels like some ridiculous fabrication of his mind, driving him wild to the point where he doesn't know what he can trust, not the grain of wood under his feet, not the quickly warming ceramic plate in his hand.
And now, there's a girl. Already, Mark knows that he doesn't want to meet her, though he probably will. He looks down at his feet, unable to tell if it's jealous, if it's pettiness, or if he's just trying to worm himself away from a situation that he can't understand. Or, hell, if he's just trying to retain his balance, that might be a thing too. In theory, Eduardo having someone else to love, that's a good thing, there are probably a whole lot more people on the island who'd take better to the love than Mark does himself. He'd never had a problem with Christy, in theory— though bitch be crazy, he could have told Eduardo that, wanted to tell Eduardo that since he made the girl who blew him in the men's bathroom over facebook his girlfriend. But that Christy received Eduardo's affections anyway, that was okay, because no two people live entirely joined lives and people need breaks from each other, only—
—only Mark has nothing here. He blinks in Eduardo's direction, slowly. A few times. "It just sounded like me," he completes the sentence for Eduardo with a shrug, while a whole lot more filter into his head.
Maybe you should be used to that.
Maybe you've been on this island too long.
Maybe you should have snapped at me earlier.
This is a bad idea.
Is this why you had such a fucking problem with Sean, because that's just stupid, Sean's some weird exercise in self-validation and one clearly gone wrong.
Did you know he started Napster after a break-up, too?
He shakes all of the white noise out of his head, before plopping back down in his seat. What wasn't true before, Eduardo's words about having been Mark's only friend, suddenly ring truer than ever.
no subject
We did it.
He still feels bad about that.
Right now, though, he's still gripped by a sense of isolation. If there's one thing that Mark has never been able to do, it's to simply look at any person, any relationship, merely at the surface level. In this moment, he finds himself at a crossroads that he's never known before, two different paths that he has walked, does walk, will continue to walk with Eduardo. It's already striking him as impossible, on that island, to look at Eduardo without remembering the one who left the deposition room, the one Mark strongly feels won't end up looking back. All of that was too much. Mark doesn't expect that the mere passage of a few days will get him back to a point where he'll want to go back to those lawyers, hash out the terms of agreement with Eduardo. Chances are, he's going to end up sending a proxy, maybe even ask Marylin if she's willing to take the reins. And that means all of this, it feels like some ridiculous fabrication of his mind, driving him wild to the point where he doesn't know what he can trust, not the grain of wood under his feet, not the quickly warming ceramic plate in his hand.
And now, there's a girl. Already, Mark knows that he doesn't want to meet her, though he probably will. He looks down at his feet, unable to tell if it's jealous, if it's pettiness, or if he's just trying to worm himself away from a situation that he can't understand. Or, hell, if he's just trying to retain his balance, that might be a thing too. In theory, Eduardo having someone else to love, that's a good thing, there are probably a whole lot more people on the island who'd take better to the love than Mark does himself. He'd never had a problem with Christy, in theory— though bitch be crazy, he could have told Eduardo that, wanted to tell Eduardo that since he made the girl who blew him in the men's bathroom over facebook his girlfriend. But that Christy received Eduardo's affections anyway, that was okay, because no two people live entirely joined lives and people need breaks from each other, only—
—only Mark has nothing here. He blinks in Eduardo's direction, slowly. A few times. "It just sounded like me," he completes the sentence for Eduardo with a shrug, while a whole lot more filter into his head.
Maybe you should be used to that.
Maybe you've been on this island too long.
Maybe you should have snapped at me earlier.
This is a bad idea.
Is this why you had such a fucking problem with Sean, because that's just stupid, Sean's some weird exercise in self-validation and one clearly gone wrong.
Did you know he started Napster after a break-up, too?
He shakes all of the white noise out of his head, before plopping back down in his seat. What wasn't true before, Eduardo's words about having been Mark's only friend, suddenly ring truer than ever.
"I've had too much to drink," he declares.