The question feels heavy, the way ones from Mark so often do, like something more than a few words with a question mark at the end, something he's wondering. Instead, it's a bit like a test or quiz, like he has to get the answer right, like there's an inherent sense of expectation in the silence that ensues. Eduardo has typically always handled this well, albeit with some stammering, but it never fails to make him feel claustrophobic. His expression doesn't change, not much, but it manifests physically all the same; his shoulders draw together, just a little, like an attempt at making himself smaller. (There's a parallel there, one between conversations with Mark and countless ones of his childhood, but despite the familiarity, he's never quite made the connection. It is what it is, that's all, and if people have expectations of him, then he should be able to follow through, even with something as simple as answering a question about this place, however much like a loaded one it might seem, like there's some fucking fate that hangs in the balance, or something.)
When it comes down to it, it isn't even just about wanting Mark to like it here as well, and thus a satisfactory answer is required for that to even be a possibility. If he really thinks about it, it's about himself, too. Having just said that he doesn't mind it here, he has to have some sort of reason, because what would it say about him if he didn't? Nothing good, surely.
"Well, I mean, it doesn't seem like much," he says, hedging but hopeful, glancing at Mark out of the corners of his eyes. "But people... they figure things out. If you mean me specifically, I, I signed up for a couple classes, mostly just for something to do. I have a, a pet that I take care of. There's my girlfriend, of course, and a lot of other really great people, and —" With a self-deprecating, almost rueful laugh, he cuts himself off. He's an idiot, an absolute fucking idiot, and he's sure Mark knows it, too. When he continues, it's quieter, like he's trying to downplay the matter and failing. "And you're here, and we're talking. That's a pretty big point in its favor right there."
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Date: 2011-06-10 06:57 am (UTC)When it comes down to it, it isn't even just about wanting Mark to like it here as well, and thus a satisfactory answer is required for that to even be a possibility. If he really thinks about it, it's about himself, too. Having just said that he doesn't mind it here, he has to have some sort of reason, because what would it say about him if he didn't? Nothing good, surely.
"Well, I mean, it doesn't seem like much," he says, hedging but hopeful, glancing at Mark out of the corners of his eyes. "But people... they figure things out. If you mean me specifically, I, I signed up for a couple classes, mostly just for something to do. I have a, a pet that I take care of. There's my girlfriend, of course, and a lot of other really great people, and —" With a self-deprecating, almost rueful laugh, he cuts himself off. He's an idiot, an absolute fucking idiot, and he's sure Mark knows it, too. When he continues, it's quieter, like he's trying to downplay the matter and failing. "And you're here, and we're talking. That's a pretty big point in its favor right there."