In a fantastic show of conflicting emotions, Eduardo isn't sure if he's more grateful or frustrated by Mark's response, or lack thereof. He thinks, though, after the initial shock of it passes, that it has to be a good thing. Whatever Mark would have to say about an admittedly overblown reaction, he doubts it would be good, maybe even enough to make him reconsider what he just said. (He knows, at least, what his father would say, and Mark -- Mark is not nearly so cruel, but hearing from Mark how good he apparently is only makes him all the more determined to prove that's the case, to not let him down now that they have this impossible chance. What they have is tenuous; he doesn't want Mark to regret it, to decide yet again that he's not worth keeping around. The sting of that once was bad enough.) However hard it is to wrap his head around, whatever bitterness it stirs up, it's worth it to hear, to know that, despite everything, he has that one shred of approval.
(He should not care. He shouldn't, he shouldn't. If there's one thing he's learned tonight, though, even more than how much he wants Mark around and how much he's going to risk to keep him there, it's that some habits are hard to break, some feelings are hard to lose. Mark has just as much sway over him as he ever did in Harvard, and that's dangerous, but it can't be helped. It just means he'll have to be careful, watch his step. If something happens this time -- and he can't rule out the chance that it will, isn't quite so foolish -- then he at least doesn't want to be so utterly blindsided by it. He can fall back in with Mark and still look out for himself, if only because he refuses to believe that anything else could be the case.)
"I can, um, show you around then, if you want," Eduardo offers, biting at his lower lip. His voice still isn't nearly as steady as he'd like, but he at least sounds a hell of a lot better than he did a few seconds ago. "Help you get your bearings. Or if you'd rather have someone else do it, I can show you to someone who can, it won't... bother me, or anything." The last is a lie, but said convincingly. In this, too, he's the same as he was before: wanting Mark to want him around, to choose him over anyone else, but too unwilling to outright ask, for the way it would surely make him look.
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Date: 2011-06-23 01:12 am (UTC)(He should not care. He shouldn't, he shouldn't. If there's one thing he's learned tonight, though, even more than how much he wants Mark around and how much he's going to risk to keep him there, it's that some habits are hard to break, some feelings are hard to lose. Mark has just as much sway over him as he ever did in Harvard, and that's dangerous, but it can't be helped. It just means he'll have to be careful, watch his step. If something happens this time -- and he can't rule out the chance that it will, isn't quite so foolish -- then he at least doesn't want to be so utterly blindsided by it. He can fall back in with Mark and still look out for himself, if only because he refuses to believe that anything else could be the case.)
"I can, um, show you around then, if you want," Eduardo offers, biting at his lower lip. His voice still isn't nearly as steady as he'd like, but he at least sounds a hell of a lot better than he did a few seconds ago. "Help you get your bearings. Or if you'd rather have someone else do it, I can show you to someone who can, it won't... bother me, or anything." The last is a lie, but said convincingly. In this, too, he's the same as he was before: wanting Mark to want him around, to choose him over anyone else, but too unwilling to outright ask, for the way it would surely make him look.